The Indecisive Perfect Guy, #BlackTwitter

a think piece.

Coming up on the one month anniversary of Jay-Z’s Album 4:44, I am inclined to reintroduce the thread that ignited an uncouth discussion on twitter that had many women saying “YASS”: The Indecisive Perfect Guy.

In June of 2016, a young man, @KiranADavid took to a long Twitter thread to speak about the Indecisive Perfect Guy: a cheat code for his female followers.

It’s always interesting to hear a male perspective from a male, especially when it comes to relationships. @KiranADavid walks his followers through a series of dates that ultimately results in the young man pulling away for his partner for a slew of reasons.

@KiranADavid sets up the scenario like so:

You meet this guy via Twitter or life or whatever… Seems cool enough. Not sexy, not ugly. But attractive.. Carries himself well.

In fact he carries himself very well.. So he appears even more attractive to you. Good dress sense, smart, not tryna be the next J. Cole.

Ya’ll start talking and the vibe is DOPE. Like ya’ll connect. Convo flows. He’s really easy to talk to. Texts back timely. The whole 9.

After a series of positive dates, the young lady notices “the distance” between her and her partner and ultimately thinks the worst. She calls and asks him what’s wrong ultimately blaming herself for the “out of nowhere” cold feet feeling the man is having.

According to @KiranADavid the girl is wrong, it has nothing to do with her and everything to do with the indecisive perfect guy.

He introduces the notion that “The plan was never to break your heart or to waste your time. But because no one ever taught us to handle that feeling…it went bad.”

The plan was NEVER to break your heart or waste your time. But because no one ever taught us how to handle that feeling.

It went bad.

Although its sounds very similar to an excuse crafted by a charismatic smooth talker, I think the statement is rooted in genuineness. This same thought is discussed a year later in Jay-Z’s “Footnotes of 4:44”, a dialogue between black men giving insight into why men make these royal mistakes when it comes to relationships. He too says “No one taught us [black men] how to…” do what exactly? “Love selflessly?”, “Work it out?” “Process and break down emotional syndication?”

I can see that. Jay says that the OGs on the block knew everything down to a science except for teaching someone how to love.

They knew street stuff impeccably. This invisible wisdom that you couldn’t see.

Their super strength was on 10, but their emotional wisdom was on 0. 

– Jay Z “Footnotes of 4:44”

Dissecting this thread is much to unpack, I suggest you reading it for yourself and then listening to Jay’s footnotes and developing your own annotations to the conversation.

But nevertheless, there is a conversation to be had and there are many correlations between this twitter thread and the 4:44 album that imply how and why the indecisive perfect guy exists.

@KiranADavid sums his thread by saying Love is a decision, he has to decide to love you.

It makes sense. Emotions are fleeting and way too unstable to make concrete decisions. The decision is deciding to love, taking the chance to love or neither. The decision is deciding to learn how to love or asking to be taught. Women, the burden falls on our shoulders as well; we have to decide how much we are willing to teach, to stand up for, or to ignore. Some women, however, are just not in a place where they feel as though they should be obligated to teach a man how to love, especially when the fear of doing all the hard work and losing him so someone else can reap the benefits, looms overhead; and that’s okay too.

Many feel as though their time is wasted and end up falling into a place that is worse than being single with no possible suitors: a self-sabotaging space where simply “putting up with…” seems to be the answer. This “putting up with…” is an insane, self-deprecating sense of logic and misplaced loyalty.

The same goes for men though. The indecisive perfect guy is also in a self-sabotaging space where “putting up with…” seems to be the answer. Although the circumstances may be different—and some will argue hold different weights—its the same concept.

Being in a situation that you are not ready to be in or forcing yourself to be in, is selfish, and often times does more damage than it does good. The indecisive perfect guy needs to decide to be the guy that decides to make the effort, that decides to love, that decides to be honest with himself and that decides to be honest with his partner.

In Jay’s footnotes he says,

“I ran into this place and we built this big beautiful mansion of a relationship that wasn’t built on the 100% truth and then it started cracking and then things start happening that the public can see.”

That foundation he’s referring to starts with those decisions. The tearing down and rebuilding process or the the tearing up and starting over process is much harder than the initial building.

One of the conclusions from this however, isn’t that all men are trash, despite the countless brunch conversations with your friends that sing this chorus. The conclusion is dealing with your business with each other rather than with everyone else who wants a front row seat of the —”what I don’t have, wish I had, can’t seem to find, searching in the wrong places, couldn’t really give two cares about you, man he’s still fine, you know what I would do with that piece of meat?“—show.

The indecisive perfect guy or the indecisive perfect woman is simply the person who is trying to figure it out, while still keeping you around because you are just too fine and just too smart to let go. Not only that, they think they might mysteriously be able find whatever sign they’re looking for just before you catch wind of the F-5 tornado raging in their mental.

The conversation is obviously much bigger, but both Kiran and Jay Z  give both parties something to both consider and talk about. Here’s the full thread on @KiranADavid’s The Indecisive Perfect Guy and if you subscribe to Tidal you can stream Jay Z’s Footnotes for 4:44 there.

 

— B.

Photo by Andre Hunter on Unsplash

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